Canadian Leadership Debate
What they said:
Stephen Harper: Stephan Dion…you change your economic plan ever hour. [that was about it…the rest of the time he kept his fists up to avoid blows to the face as the other 4 gang-pummeled him. He mostly stared at the person who was talking and smiled a really creepy serial killer type smile at the most inappropriate times]
Stephan Dion: Dis ees not twoo monsieur arper. you are te-lling lies to de canaziun peoples. de leebril partie wheel creeyayt de green shift and you are just work-ing for de president boosh and we don’t need dat kind of lee-durs.
Jack Layton: [staring directly into a camera that is nowhere near Stephen Harper] Mr. Harper, you and your cronies want to write a $50 billion cheque to big corporations, while my proud constituents, Joe Lunchbucket and Sally Punchclock are losing their jobs. Mr. Harper, you are our of touch with real Canadians at their kitchen tables discussing Aboriginal health care and the poor conditions of working artists and factory closings and my mustache. We clearly need to move Canada back into the 1950s, so that every high school dropout can earn a high salary doing low-skilled hourly work. Also, we need to spend a kajillion dollars on social programs that help support Canada’s laziest and stupidest people! When I become Prime Minister I will make corporations pay 130% tax on their earnings. It’s the only way to stimulate an economy in crisis!
Gilles Duceppe: I am not going to be de prime minister, and needer are you tree[waiving a dismissive hand at Dion, May and Layton]?
Elizabeth May: If you would have read the OECD report and the IMF report and UNESCO’s blog and Richard Florida’s book, you’d know what I’m saying. Don’t you people read? I just love to put a log in the woodstove in my home in Pictou, Nova Scotia and curl up with my 4 cats, Mr. Boots, Fluffy Paws, Al Gore Jr. and Benjamin Disraelicat and just read the reports of international organizations. Oh, Mr. Harper, you are a fraud.
What they were thinking:
Stephen Harper: God, they just won’t shut up. Nobody ever says negative things like this to me…or else I fire them. I need to get back to Alberta where people appreciate my disregard for all 9 other provinces. What they hell is Dion even saying? Seriously, such a pathetic wimp. If we were at the beach I’d kick sand in your wimp face.
Stephan Dion: Play eet cool Stephan. Don’t make de pee pee in your pants like dee last time. Remember to speak hengleesh. Why don’t dey lets me to talk? Should I interrupt? Dat would be rood no? Elizabet May look like my tante Mimi, wit er little glasses and er frompy dress. Still I’d ‘it dat.
Jack Layton: God I’m good. I am just killing here. I really am smart and popular and my mustache is sure to win me some votes. Oooh, I haven’t interrupted anyone in 20 seconds, I’d better do it now. I’m glad I had my head professionally waxed for this. I think it really shows. I really am a working class hero…
Gilles Duceppe: Do I have to be ere? Really, I mean every-body know my platform. Cay-bec good rest of Can-a dah bad. Ees dat so hard to understand?
I personally do not know Professor Lyons, but the magic of tumblr allows me to follow his blog. For this, I am grateful.
